I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
