Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
