I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
