I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
