I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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