I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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