quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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