i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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