yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
