I heard we made out
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
