I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
