Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
