Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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