i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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