I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
