just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
