Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
