I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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