girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
