hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
