I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
