yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
