Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
