I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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