tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
