It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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