so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
