You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize