is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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