Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
