I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
