Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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