At least make sure they are 18
Why
he told me I talked like a deaf person
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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