Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
