last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
