the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
