so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
