Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
