i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
