I cannot find my penis.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
