So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
