I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
