Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
