Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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