Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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