oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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