you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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