I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize