The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A bitchslap is in order.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
