i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
