I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
