I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
