After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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