dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
