If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
