You're my little dorito
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
