Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
