Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
