She is in my trunk
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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