apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Are we still banned from the library?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
