Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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