this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
