i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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