Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
