You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
