Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize