Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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