she woke up with a sticky ear
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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