I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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