I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My bed smells like the plague
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
