My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
