Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize