I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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