it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
can u get pink eye on your cock?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
