quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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