Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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