I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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