Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
