did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
