he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
