The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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