Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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