I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
