If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I lost the right to judge tonight
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
