I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i out mim tonsoeep
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
