I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
