I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
