ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
