I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
