So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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