How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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