What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize