I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
These tits shall not be calmed
Come on in and take your pants off
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