We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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