Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
