bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
