Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He kissed a someone with a penis
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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