Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
