wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
