he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
