Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
