Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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