Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
